Love felt distant, bills became louder, and the last thing he needed was another responsibility.
But I was already carrying it.
We’d been in the apartment for six months.
Our first home together.
The same house I picked curtains for and had imagined raising our son in, side by side.
At first, I’d come home from Target with bags of bathroom sets and picture frames.
He’d smile, kiss my forehead, and say, “You did good, babe.”
But soon, he barely looked up.
The silence became longer.
The touches became fewer.
And we’d argue over little things.
They didn’t come loud, but in quiet distance, rolled eyes, and “I’m tired” instead of “How was your day?”
But I didn’t really understand it then.
I didn’t know what it meant to carry a man’s financial load.
To feel bills breathing down your back, rent always due, a toddler needing snacks every ten minutes, and a partner who didn’t bring in a dollar.
I didn’t get the pressure.
I was still young and soft, trying to make a home out of throw pillows and vibes.
He was trying to stay afloat, but didn’t tell me.
He just grew quiet, which got me anxious, because I felt something was off.
And something else… was on the way.
I already knew the signs.
I’d been here before.
I understood what the nausea and fatigue meant.
There was another heartbeat now.
Which meant another mouth to feed, another person to love.
And another name that would go on that light bill he already dreaded.
But I hadn’t told him yet.
I didn’t know how to tell him I was pregnant again.
Because how do you bring new life into a room where love has gone missing?
I’d rehearse it in my head countless times in my head.
He’ll be happy once it sinks in.
We’re a family. We’ll figure it out.
But the truth was, I didn’t know if it would.
And for the first time since I was 7, I wasn’t sure if he was still mine.
What do you do when your body is creating life, but your home feels like it’s losing love?
When your lips are holding a secret because your heart is too afraid of the reaction?
I didn’t tell him that night.
Or the night after that.
But every day, I felt it growing inside me, and between us.