It’s July.
My son’s birthday isn’t until December, but he’s already deep in planning mode.
He said he wants to go to Japan.
Full-on passport, sushi, anime adventure.
And hey, he’s got big dreams, I respect it.
But meanwhile, I’m here trying to figure out the real challenge:
Are we doing one party this year… or two?
His mom and I don’t do “together” well.
As co-parents, we can’t stand each other even on birthdays.
We don’t argue in front of him, but the tension is so thick you could feel the air.
We say what needs to be said, keep it polite, until we don’t.
And birthdays bring up everything that’s not healed between us.
We’ve tried the joint party thing.
One cake, both families, same space.
It looked good in pictures, but it felt like walking on glass.
So now I’m sitting here, months ahead, already thinking:
Do we try it again?
Or do we go back to separate parties. Her version, my version, and peace preserved.
He wouldn’t complain.
He loves the attention, the extra gifts, the way everyone shows up for his day.
But I still wonder. Am I giving him more… or splitting his moment in half?
And truthfully I don’t think I can do another party where I’m watching the clock, making sure I don’t say the wrong thing.
Where I’m smiling with my son while trying to ignore the cold stares from across the table.
I want him to feel celebrated.
But I also want to feel present, not performative.
It’s still 5months away.
And while he’s dreaming about Tokyo, I’m just trying to plan a celebration that won’t feel like a war.
One party or two?
I don’t know yet.
But one thing’s for sure, I’ll be wherever he is, clapping the loudest, camera in hand, and showing him that no matter how we split things…his dad will always shows up.
As a single parent, how do you celebrate birthdays with your co-parent?
Tell us in the comments or share your story in the forum.