We may not understand it. But sometimes, clarity comes in the chaos.
Because trusting God means remembering who gave it all in the first place.
My children are beautiful, healthy, bright-eyed, and full of life. And for a long time, I’d look at them and feel a deep sense of pride. Not just pride in them, but in myself.
I thought maybe I was doing something right.
Maybe I was enough.
I dressed them well. I spoke softly. People would compliment their manners, hair, and eyes.
Slowly, quietly, their joy became my validation.
Without even realizing it, that validation became a form of worship, not in the obvious “golden calf” kind of way, but in the subtle way we start placing our identity in what we’ve built… instead of in the One who built us.
When Everything Felt Like It Was Falling Apart
Then the trouble came. My daughter fell ill.
At first, it was small.
A scary cough. A fever that lingered.
The kind of nights where you sleep upright and whisper healing scriptures between shallow breaths.
Then came the tension in my marriage. And the doubt.
Followed by a doctor’s visit I’ll never forget.
I wasn’t losing my girl, thank God. But I was being stripped of something else: every false sense of comfort I had unknowingly placed above God.
And in that painful process, I remembered something powerful:
He is a jealous God.
Not jealous in a petty or insecure way, but in the way a loving Father reminds His daughter:
“Don’t love the gift more than the Giver.”
Misplaced Identity
I had let motherhood become my mirror.
I measured my worth through my husband’s affection.
And let my peace rest in my home, my success, and my children’s smiles.
So when those things started to shake, I did too.
But the thing about chaos is that it reveals what you’ve been standing on all along.
And in that mess, I had to fall back into God’s arms. Again.
Not because I stopped loving Him.
But because I had started leaning on things He never asked me to lean on.
Returning to the Source
Now, when my children are healthy, I thank God.
And when they’re not, I still trust Him. Even when it hurts.
When my marriage feels uncertain, I don’t cling to “buyer’s remorse”. I hold unto God’s promises.
Even when the fear creeps in and I’m tempted to spiral into worry.
Because I’ve learned something the hard way:
Anything I place above Him, He will lovingly remind me to surrender.
Choosing Trust in the Middle of Chaos
So in the chaos, I choose trust. It’s not easy. But He is still God.
And I never want to confuse the fruit of my life with the Root who made it possible.
That’s why sometimes, clarity comes in the chaos, and in that season, you will find your path again.